It's been longer than I'd like since I've last written anything here. I don't really have much in mind for this, so I'm sure it's not going to be all that exciting. But I figured I'd take a little time away to have a little chat with everyone.
I've found over the past few years that when I get anxious and overwhelmed, I stop writing. I stop producing anything creatively. I just freeze. It's ironic because the inception of love for writing came from processing my anxiety and overwhelming emotions. I think as a kid, it was much easier for me to simply write about my feelings and not think about what it meant. I found myself a few years ago worrying that writing while going through something terrible would change my relationship with writing. Since then, I find myself absolutely frozen when I'm dealing with a lot.
And let's be real, the world is a lot to deal with right now. And beyond the simple facts of what's going on, I feel that everyone is finding themselves under a microscope. Did you say this the right way? Did you say what you meant? Will this upset someone? It's made writing about anything incredibly daunting.
But like I said before, writing has always helped me work through difficult things. Which leads us to this stream of consciousness blog post. I just need to write. And I plan to hopefully do some writing in a journal when I finish this.
In my life, I have experienced an extraordinary number of bad things in my life. But my life isn't an unhappy one. It sounds dramatic when I say it that way, but I feel that it's the least dramatic way to explain it. I've experienced loss, I've experienced trauma, I've experienced so many different varieties of pain. I've come to learn that these things are a part of life. They are a part of what keeps are story moving forward. But by sitting and writing about only these bad things, I find myself consumed by these things happening. For months now people have been talking about how this is history in the making and encouraging those who journal to write about their experiences to pass along to future generations. I could absolutely be doing this. But I'm not. These months have been taxing on their own. But to write about it and relive every moment makes it that much more draining. And when I look back on my life, I don't want to write about the bad things that have happened. I don't want my life to look like a tragedy because as far as I'm concerned, it isn't.
Right now, there really hasn't been anything terribly exciting to report. And I've found myself absolutely stuck about what to even talk about. If anyone has anything they would like to hear me talk about, I'd be happy to see what I can do for all of you. But until then, here is my rambling post for you all that's really not about much of anything. I hope you're all well. I hope to have more exciting things to discuss in the near future.